It’s quite cool in my part of the world. This means we’ve had the fire on since March and have burned (literally) our way through three tonnes of wood so far. One great, one wet and one dry-but-wet-from-all-the-rain. FFS.
The wet load of wood was procured from the local Facebook Buy’Swap’N’Sell for $90/load. ‘BONE DRY BURNS WELL’. Sure. And it did. Because clearly ‘BURNS WELL’ means ‘THE FIRST TWO BITS YOU PUT ON BURN WELL AND THE REST IS GREEN AS F##K’. FFS.
The great load is great. A lovely lady rolls up in her ute, backs it in the driveway, bends a star picket in half (!) with her ute tray, but the wood is dry and burns beautifully. The extra plus is she somehow manages to unload the wood whilst wearing a tunic, leggings and high heeled boots. Every time. Amazing. NO FFS.
Lovely Wood Lady rocked up last week and knocked on the door. ‘Amy, do you need any wood? I’ve got a load here if you’d like it. I’ll collect the money from Mr S tomorrow at work.’ YES WE DO! Thanks Lovely Wood Lady. NO FFS.
She unloads the wood and goes on her merry way. It is absolutely pouring with rain. I put my wet weather gear on and move wood for a while over a few days and get it in the shed. NO FFS. (I like working in the yard in the rain. Strange, I know.)
As I place the last few bits of (now wet) wood in the woodshed, I realise that I could have just put a tarp over the woodpile three days ago. FFS.
The wood isn’t wet all the way through, just wet enough that I need to bring in the day’s worth of wood and stack it around the fire at 7am to dry it out enough so I can put it on the fire. FFS.
I got a cold this week, which turned into laryngitis this morning. My kids keep saying ‘What did you say Mum?’ and ‘USE YOUR BIG VOICE PLEASE MUMMY’. FFS.
There are no sick days when you’re a parent. FFS.
But there is Netflix. NO FFS.
Fridays Decanted was formerly known as FFS Friday, but after several years it matured and needed a makeover.
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