For many years anxiety has been a part of my life. From a kid who couldn’t throw anything out and hated school to an adult who worries if she locked the front door, Anxiety has been front and centre. Interfering with my life, stealing my sleep, affecting my relationships, there she is. I’ve had enough.
When PND reared it’s Very Ugly Head after Lady Pip was born I took control and took medication (again). It worked a treat and coupled with exercise and some self care stuff (sleep! eating properly!) I began to realise how incredibly anxious I’d been for most of my life. Meds can be awesome, as can my Incredibly Awesome Doctor who checks in with me regularly to see how I’m feeling. The good thing about meds is that they calm everything down. No crying jags, restful sleep, ability to leave the house. The downside is that they calm everything down. Less belly laughs, intelligent conversation can dry up for me, so much restful sleep.
After a conversation with my dear Mr S and my GP I halved my dose. Life suddenly became brighter and a LOT more funny. I also cried on Anzac Day, I cried looking at photos of my babies being babies, I cried wishing my Dad was here. But it felt ok, not like the world was ending and I’d never stop crying. After a few weeks of this, I felt my anxiety rising again. But seriously, I’d had enough. I remembered a technique that I’d mentioned to my GP where on particularly bad days, I’d tell my Anxiety and Depression that it couldn’t have me. It wasn’t me, it was just a thing I was going through. She was pleased and explained to me that the ability to have insight is a powerful tool against mental illnesses. So last week, I wrote my Anxiety a Dear John letter…
Hi! Hello! We haven’t seen each other for awhile. I had hoped that we wouldn’t meet again… but here we are.
You are part of me, but you are not me.
I am Amy:
- A loving mother
- A person
- A funny person
- A go-getter
- A positivity expert
- Someone who can do anything
Thank you for giving me the nudge for introspection, and the continual co-habitation job offers, but I must decline.
You’ve been a part of me for such a long time, but I’ve realised that I spent too much time with you. I’m making new friends.
There’s Creativity and Happiness and they are SO bouncy and bright. They make my days full. Laughter has been growing up at such a rapid rate – she is so fun to be with. Love is my BFF. She hangs out with Gratefulness and also with Positivity. These two are in the background, giving me a pinch every now and then.
Anger is mates with Fear and Sadness, and that’s cool. I’m an equal opportunity employer, but some employees are more skilled than others. These dudes have a small office. They’re always trying to infiltrate the other offices, but they know their place.
Anxiety, it’s not me. It’s you.
I know you’ll never move out, but you can’t have any more of me. You can share your room with Depression, but she’s finding better things to do with her time these days.
I think you’ll have great success in finding a better you if you talk to Huffy Puffy – she’s awesome at helping everyone.
Thanks for the chat, and best of luck in the future,
If you are feeling depressed or suicidal, or just need someone to talk to, visit beyondblue.org.au or call Lifeline on 131 114.