The Dark Side

FFS Fridayfermenting funny ecard
Send wine …

I have crossed over to the dark side of fermenting … No FFS

I figured my body is so in tune with fermented grapes that I really should branch out a little … No FFS

Who would have thought that my midwifery skills would come in handy?! 

It turns out there are things called the mother liquid and scobys who have babies and all this is good for you … No FFS

I am sterilising and keeping things extra clean and sanitised because I don’t want mold to kill my scoby … FFS

A scoby I paid $30 for to be delivered by post … FFS

I whooped for joy when I saw that my mother scoby was pregnant … No FFS

A scoby looks very much like a placenta … No FFS

This is probably the first time in my life that I have also been obsessed with turning all the lights off in the house because the scoby needs to sleep and it must be dark … FFS

Hello, Kombucha!

I also spent $120 on 2 glass fermenting jars … FFS

Because sauerkraut peeps!

After spending another small fortune, I just happened to watch River Cottage and there he is making his sauerkraut in a wooden wine barrel and stomping on it with his feet … FFS

That looks like way more fun to me … FFS

I also bought a dehydrator because I want to DRY ALL THE THINGS! … No FFS

You can even dehydrate whole meals which are just perfect for camping and hiking trips … No FFS

We are going camping this long weekend and it hasn’t arrived yet … FFS

There goes the dream of eating a powdered curry at Ubirr in Kakadu whilst watching the sun go down over the wetlands … FFS

I checked my Kombucha today and there are bubbles forming on strings of yeast WOOHOO!

Speaking of yeast …

My running mileage is slowing increasing as I head towards the Gold Coast Half Marathon next month … No FFS

The Dry Season decided to bugger off and back came the sauna and the humidity … FFS

I actually cried real tears… FFS

I am so tired of this weather … FFS

We ran a training half marathon last week and I had sweat in places you wouldn’t dream about … FFS

My ears and my butt cheeks … FFS

This went way beyond the usual crotch sweat 6 o’clock run shadow … FFS

I came home, showered and changed but unfortunately I still got that once in a blue moon yeast infection … FFS

I ignored it for a day or two but then there is that itch that you cannot ignore … FFS

I wanted to ignore it because I know the treatment kills the good bugs … FFS

I went to the chemist, lined up and asked the young male assistant exactly what I needed … No FFS

HIM: Are you on any medication?

I lied and said: ‘I just finished a course of antibiotics which is why I need this tablet’

I tried to give him a knowing wink, but it just looked like I had Tourettes … FFS

I thought that would be enough of a hint for him to hand over the goods so I could be on my way … FFS

But no, there were more questions … FFS

I was polite and answered all of them well aware of the rush hour after school pick up line queuing up behind me … FFS

And then he said: ‘So what do you actually need this medication for?’FFS

He obviously had no idea what it was, but I had lost my cool by now and I was about to say …

‘Because I HAVE AN ITCHY VAG!’ , but the pharmacist who was lurking nearby took one look at me and handed it over … FFS

Really, it is this hard to buy thrush treatment??

I came home took my tablet and checked my kombucha again. 

Fridays Decanted was formerly known as FFS Friday, but after several years it matured and needed a makeover much like its owner.  

Check out my last episode of Fridays Decanted for more riveting entertainment. 

Make my day and share your weekly whine with me over on the MFL Facebook Page.





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